Falling
by crooked-soul
Summary: Warning: Slash RLSB Sirius can pinpoint the exact moment he started falling for his best friend...


**Just a short drabble cause I think these guys are really cute and I'm in the mood for a bit of angst, hope you like :)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own a thing**

**Warning: Slash, if you don't like don't read, simple as**

**Sirius' pov**

Falling

I can pinpoint the exact moment that I started falling for my best friend, it was a tuesday and morning had rolled around like it has an annoying tendency to do. I knew I had to get up for breakfast and classes and such so I lay in my warm bed for just that little bit longer, mentally trying to figure out how quickly I could have a shower and get dressed so that I knew how much longer I could avoid getting out of bed.

I could hear James muttering something about 'bloody mornings' and 'bloody school' and couldn't help but silently agree with him. I could also hear the shower running, I guessed that it was Remus because I had already established James was still in the room and I could hear faint snores coming from Peter's bed. Besides, Remus always was more of a morning person than any of us.

When I heard the water stop running I started to shift, figuring that I would take the next one, hopefully it would wake me up a bit. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, simultaneously wiping the sleep in my eyes when Moony came back into the room with a towel wrapped round his waist.

Whilst I tried to summon up the energy to walk to the bathroom I found myself watching my friend as he rooted through his ridiculously neat trunk for clean clothes. In the next moment he stretched up, seemingly to contemplate which out of two sets of robes were the least battered, and I caught myself just staring at his chest, the myriad of scars that littered his skin. Before I could help myself I did something very stupid, I allowed an image to flash through my mind, me kissing those scars, his chest, just _him. _Part of me regrets that because those are the same images that have haunted me all these years, yet in a way I cherish them because they're all I have.

_Crap,_ was all I could think after that. I had always wondered a little whether I was gay, girls never completely did it for me, I just thought that maybe I wasn't choosing the right girls so I went out with more and more and gradually I built up a reputation for being a bit of a player. Girls would just throw themselves at me anyway, I used to think there might be something wrong with me for never caring about any of them but I had just shrugged it off.

Now though, it was like something had clicked into place, I wasn't completely sure that I was gay, I mean I'd never fancied guys before, but watching as a small drop of water slid tantalisingly down from Remus' neck across his chest and his stomach, I almost whimpered.

Maybe I was just a Remus-sexual or something like that, not completely gay but not exactly straight either, just someone who completely has the hots for Moony. When he started getting dressed I realised that I had been staring for far too long and immediately got up to have my shower, with a quick 'Morning' to my friend.

My friends noticed that I acted a little oddly that day but I told them it was nothing and as the days, the weeks, months, _years _passed I figured out how to stop myself from betraying the fact that I loved Remus as more than just a friend. I knew I could never tell him as he was decidedly straight and I cherished his friendship too much to let things between us become awkward.

And all those years later when James and Lily were dead, I was free from Azkaban and Voldemort was back, I stood in the shadows and silently watched him fall for my cousin. Part of me was jealous, but it wasn't a new feeling so I knew how to bury it, I had always been jealous whenever Remus was with another girl and it was particularly painful because I knew him well enough to understand he would never be with someone unless he really cared about them.

Some days were worse than others, some days I accidently came across them kissing and I felt just that little bit more of my heart shatter, I wanted, want, so much to be the one Remus caressed so lovingly.

But I am content with myself knowing that he is happy with her and she is my cousin after all so I am glad that she too is happy, I am also happy and secure in the knowledge that she is at least someone who is good enough for him. He will be okay with her, he deserves that, he deserves so much.

All this flashed through my mind as I fell slowly backwards through the arch, I wasn't sure if it was the spell that Bellatrix had hit me with that was making my chest fell so constricted or if it was the thought that I was leaving Remus, but soon all there was was blackness.

**A bit depressing I know, I'm sorry, I was going to make it like a Remus liked him all along too but then I don't know this just seemed more right, poor Sirius eh? **


End file.
